June 02, 2009

It's all fun and games till one of you gets my foot up your ass.

I need money.

No, not the stability of a monthly income that will keep me living a glamorous life of Wii and Top Ramen.

A butt-load of cash. A lot of it. I'm looking from someone with Buffet-type money (that would be Warren, not Jimmy, though I'm sure Jimmy's made a killing from The Cheeseburger Song.). A Richard Branson (Manson? No, pretty sure it's Branson) who will help me bankroll my next dream for utopia:

NRN.

What is NRN, you ask? Well, it will be the next NBC, ABC, CBS and, though I loathe to add them, Fox and The CW. What will be on NRN? Well, it's all in the initials:

NO REALITY NETWORK.

Yes, NRN will be a haven for smartly scripted comedies and dramas with brilliant actors and production teams who will be paid well for their services. Great shows like "Dollhouse" and "Chuck" should haven't to have droves of fans sign online petitions to save them because they don't earn ratings like "American Idol" and "The Biggest Loser."

"Arrested Development" was one of the best shows on television before Fox yanked it from the airwaves because it wasn't doing well in its' timeslot. A little advice to current network execs from someone who has been watching TV for a little over 25 years: shows generally don't do well in their "timeslots" if their "timeslots" change at least 3 times a season. If you want proof, just look at "The Cosby Show," "Cheers," "Seinfeld," "Family Ties," and "Friends." That's why those shows earned NBC the Thursday night repuation of "Must See TV." It wouldn't have happened if NBC plopped "Cheers" in Tuesdays at 9, then Fridays at 8:30, then Mondays at 10 all in the same season, now would it?

Here's the other innovation about NRN: shows will be rotated on a seasonal basis, but with very limited repeats. So while a show like "Samantha Who" runs during the Winter/Spring, another show like "How I Met Your Mother" would run during the same timeslot in the Summer/Fall; both would have a traditional schedule, but instead of airing a summer of repeats of one show, you get a new show to watch while the other takes a break and gears up for the next season. Reality shows started because people got bored of watching reruns in the summer and 6 weeks in the winter and spring; this alleviates that problem.

Gone are the remakes/spinoffs of "90210" and "Melrose Place." Back are smart sassy shows like "Privileged" and "Veronica Mars." Gone are "I'm a Celebrity! Get Me Out of Here!" and "America's Got Talent," and back on TV are "Pushing Daisies" and "Dirty Sexy Money."

Who's with me? Who's going to help me launch NRN? What shows do you want axed and what shows do you want saved?

May 12, 2009

Coffee is the lifeblood that fuels the dreams of champions.

Okay, I've been busy. I know I've said that before, but this time I really mean it. Since I last posted, I've been to approximately 629 soccer games. No, really. I swear. April and May for me is like Tax Season for my parents. Long days of watching some good and some absolutely terrible soccer games. Now I know you're are sitting there all judgmental, thinking "is she seriously complaining about sitting around and watching soccer all day?" And my rebuttal is "Dude! It is harder than you think!" Especially when some of the games are just that bad. I have to go to all these games because it is State Cup, and I am my club's director of goalkeeping; so, from U11 through U18, I observe and help and give advice and admonish. But mostly I just sit and watch in the sun and rain and hope the goalkeepers don't screw up, because it's a lot of pressure being a goalkeeper in April and May in Oregon. One stumble or slip of the glove could cost your team the chance at a state title.

By the end of the weekends, my eyes are blurry, my knees hurt from the constant sitting and standing and pacing, and it's probably not safe for me to drive home. (just kidding mom!) But it's very much worth it to me, because I do love doing this and it's great to see these kids having so much fun while achieving so much.

[On that note, let me tell you a little bit about this last weekend. Saturday is the culmination of the soccer year in Oregon: it's the day the State Cup finals are contested. All during the month of April, kids across Oregon (well, mostly up and down the west side of Oregon) have been competing in round robin, quarterfinal and semifinal games to make it to finals day. It's always the day before Mother's Day and it's what every classic soccer team works toward all year long. Shockingly enough, once Saturday is over the new soccer year starts on Sunday (yes, always on Mother's Day) with tryouts. So yeah. The kids who were state champions on Saturday had to tryout on Sunday to make the team again. Overnight, just like that, the calendar clicked over and the kids who were U12 soccer players on Saturday became U13s on Sunday. It's kind of a brutal process, and for me the weekend started mid-Saturday morning for our club's first final, and ended last night at about 9:30 when I finally got home from tryouts. I was practically mainlining vanilla lattes throughout the weekend.]

On Saturday my club had four teams competing for a State Cup Championship. We have always been a powerhouse girls program, and have been building up the boys program steadily over the years. Our U13 and U16 boys made it to the semifinals and quarterfinals, respectively, but lost and didn't advance to the championship. (Coincidentally, the goalkeepers for both teams suffered freakishly similar head injuries prior to state cup and were not fit to play during their teams' entire run) Out of five girls teams in the semifinals, we had four make it to the big day. Our U18 team kicked off first at noon; they played an extraordinarily talented team that typically beats them, but on this day, our girls prevailed with a 1-0 win; it wasn't a pretty match to watch, but when you go a goal up against a team you probably should be losing to, it doesn't really matter how you win, just that you win. Second to kick-off were our youngest team, the U12 girls; this is a team that is very dominant, and they proved just that by cruising to a 2-0 win. So far, so good, we have two state championships. Kicking off shortly after the U12s were our U17s; the goalkeepers in this side are ridiculously awesome and they were facing their nemesis who they have duled back and forth with over the years for the championship. This year's edition could not have been more heartbreaking: after 90 minutes of scoreless action, the good guys score in the first 2 minutes of OT; however, there are still another 28 minutes of OT to play. The other team managed to score 2 in that time and we lost. Absolutely crushing.

Last up for our club was my U13 team. We were supposed to kick off at 3pm on the same field our U17s were on when they were done playing, but with the OTs we were moved to a different field and didn't kick off until 4pm. This age plays 35 minutes halves and after 70 minutes of action we were still tied; the girls were so freaking nervous and they didn't fully overcome that until they'd played about 60 minutes. So into OT we go; because we are younger, we only play 20 minutes and despite having an opportunity to win it from 4 yards out, our player shot the ball over the crossbar and we were doomed to determine the game with a penalty shoot-out - 5 rounds of alternating shots at the opposing keepers from 12 yards out. Our first shooter stepped up and drilled a shot low and to the left; the other team's keeper stretched quickly and was able to make a great save. Their first shooter drilled her shot right inside the post. 1-0 Them. Our second shooter made it interesting and hit her shot just under the crossbar--the ball bounced down and we all held our breath to see if it would bounce up and out or up and in. It went up and in. Whew. Their second shooter slotted her shot low, just past the fingers of our keeper. 2-1 Them. Third round starts and our girl hammers her shot past the keeper who had no chance to save; their shooter goes low and this time our keeper got a good jump and made the save! 2-2 TIED UP. Unbelievably, our fourth shooter replicates the second and makes us all hold our breath as her shot rifles off the underside of the crossbar and ... over the line. HOLY CRAP. They're up and shooting for the other team is a girl who used to play for our team; she goes high toward the corner and our GIANT of a keeper gets a finger or three to the ball and deflects it off the crossbar and out of the goal. 3-2 to our girls. Our fifth shooter steps up to set the ball. If she makes it, the championship is ours! She takes a deep breath, steps back from the ball and ... well, I'll just let the pictures tell the story:

The winner

Holy crap

Yes

Champs

And the coup de gras:

Water

So there it is. After all this transpired, we were given medals and crowned U13 champions. Then we had a pretty kick-ass pizza party that went long into the night. Might've been a tiny mistake letting it go that long, considering there were tryouts the next day and the girls were pretty wiped out by 9. It took a venti quad latte just to get me to the field the next morning at 7:30 for tryouts. We head to beautiful Lancaster, Calif. (blech!) next month to compete in the Regional Championships, but I'll try to continue to post in the mean time.

April 14, 2009

One time, she punched me in the face. It was AWESOME.

I love Lindsay Lohan. I like her movies (Yes, I own "Freaky Friday) and I like her spunk. Yes, she's had "problems" with substance abuse, and "issues" with the law and what not, but I love her because she has a sense of humor about it all. I don't condone her substance abuse issues, but I do sympathize as she gets scrutinized for doing things 70% of her peer group engages in under slightly less scrutiny than her. I can guarantee there are kids her age doing worse things than her on every college campus in America (except for maybe BYU and that one freaky place in Florida). But through it all, she maintains a sense of humor about it all and isn't afraid to acknowlege and make light of her problems.

Case in point:

April 10, 2009

iPod huh. That some sort of space capsule or something?

You know technology and the many possibilities it has gotten out of hand when Apple changes the terms of service for iTunes and their iPods/iPhones to reflect the changing times.

FYI, use someone else's products to plan worldwide destruction.

 

I'll let you off with a warning.

So I have had a couple of people send me news articles from a pretty tragic news event in the Seattle area. It seems a father of 5 killed himself and his children after he discovered his wife's plans to leave him for another man, just after he confronted them at a convenience store. It really is a terrible story, but the reason people keep sending it to me is because the wife happens to have the same given name as me. It's kind of creepy, and as I just responded to a friend after she was the 4th person to send it to me: "I suppose this is my subliminal warning to stay away from manic-depressive douchebags. Also, do not cheat on my future husband."

April 04, 2009

I'd gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today.

I know I have mentioned Pamie dot com before...maybe a few times. But she is one funny lady and currently writes for Samantha Who? on ABC (which is a very funny show, so help keep her employed and watch!). I read her blog. And since I try not to steal other people's funny, I am posting a link today to her blog entry from yesterday. There is a video there that is just too damn funny to pass up. You know the Carl's Jr. ads that make you feel like you should be kicking puppies and objectifying women (yes, even if you ARE a woman)? It's about those ads. And totally worth it. I promise.

Don't Bother Me, I'm a Douchebag Eating a Cheeseburger."

April 01, 2009

R'uh R'oh, Rhaggy!

The Comcast guy was early in picking up my cable box this morning (shocking, I know...you'd never thought you'd read the words Comcast and early in the same sentence, huh) so I answered the door in my Scooby Doo slippers, red Abercrombie pajama pants with white mooses all over them and gigantic purple sweatshirt. It's a sweet outfit, I know. I saw him look down to my feet all judgemental, so I made him wait outside in the rain instead of inviting him in. THEN, just to show him I am not ashamed, I ran outside sans slippers to ask a modem question and made sure to mention that I was barefoot because I DID NOT WANT MY SCOOBY SLIPPERS RUINED! Jackass.

March 30, 2009

You sanctimonious bastards!

For serious.


IMG00542

March 27, 2009

Strap, God wants you on the floor.

In a few short hours, another regional will tip-off in the NCAA men's basketball tournament. My bracket has already been destroyed and I haven't even been to the message board to see all the smack talk for the woeful state of my bracket. I can't even begin to pretend to know what the hell I am doing when it comes to picking men's basketball winners. But I will say this:

If those G*damn Zags know what's good for them, they will beat the living daylights out of North Carolina.

Yes, that's right you read that correctly. I am openly rooting for the Zags. I grew up in Spokane and wasn't really that interested in Gonzaga basketball growing up. I went to a rival WCC school and so I was happy to continue to NOT root for Gonzaga. Especially since the Morrison days up to now where I just felt like the program wasn't really upholding the ideals it was built on; I was genuinely pleased for the program during the Santangelo, Frahm, Calvary, Stepp days. Those guys played with heart and passion and for each other; since then, I just haven't seen that level of commitment to team matched. Some of my best friends were on the basketball teams so while I was never really anti-Gonzaga, they just aren't my school (Go Pilots!).

Until tonight. There are only two schools I have open disdain and hostility toward and one of them is North Carolina. I can hear someone reference UNC from across the room and all of the sudden I have a snarl on my face and I start muttering various epithets under my breath. I have coffee mugs that say "Go to Hell Carolina." I wish I could sum up my feelings toward them in a more genteel manner, but "Go to Hell Carolina" pretty much covers my thoughts accurately. Oh sure, there is plenty of backstory behind my loathing and ire: cheap shots on the soccer field, shady recruiting stories and a heart-breaking loss coming in quadruple-overtime of an NCAA semi-final. I don't know if there is any other school I love to hate more than North Carolina, and I think it ultimately boils down to a general feeling that a majority of the people who are affiliated with UNC give off an aura of pompous jackassery that just makes you want to punch them square in the face.

So tonight, I will be rooting for Micah Downs to lead the charge and knock the Tyler Hansbrough and TarHell Nation on their collective asses.

Say it with me now: Go.to.Hell.Carolina.

March 26, 2009

Ring, ring! Who's there? Destiny? I've been expecting your call.

So I've missed out on the last couple of days...I usually write my posts in the evenings and I've been getting home late-ish the last few nights and end up doing some things around the house and it gets late and I end up in bed, falling asleep to one of the new treats I've downloaded via BitTorrent.

What is BitTorrent, you ask? A magic little slice of heaven that will allow me to get rid of one of my monthly expense, my cable bill. BitTorrent is a little like peer-to-peer file sharing. I have been hesitant to get rid of my cable because, I mean, how will I watch Law & Order and its' various spin-offs? It's one of the only shows NBC doesn't have available via hulu. So unfortunate, I know. But, BitTorrent has it. It's not like iTunes where I have to buy stuff; but I can go to these websites that have "torrents;" you download the torrent file and it's essentially a code the BitTorrent program then interprets to download from other computers that actually contain the file. Pretty slick. My test download was "Bolt," which is a fantastic movie. So I'm very excited about this new development in my techy lifestyle. Now I have to figure out how to stream the stuff from my computer to my TV, so my TV still gets it's regular use and doesn't just become my movie screen...which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Maybe I'll read more.

By the by, if you look right over there (--------->), you'll see I've added some adds to the page. I don't know that my 25 pageviews per day justifies it, but any income is good income and so far the ads haven't sucked (AT&T, Soccer.com), so as long as they are kind of beneficial, they'll stay. Click on them. Make me money. I'd appreciate it.  Stay tune for tomorrow....goooooood post coming up then.

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